Dying But Hey, CollarBones Make It Better

Someone told me that my collarbone has been really visible recently. This makes me reaaaally happy. Collarbones are hot. Peep peep! I totally needed to share this tidbit. I can't wait til someone tells me that I have hipbones! Omg, imagine?!

Anyways....exhaustion.


Last night, I realized there was no way in Hell that I would be able to wake up for school if I fell asleep. So...I didn't. I'm in school right now and I'm contemplating walking into the woods and making myself a bed out of dead leaves.


And no...I'm not kidding.

I would do anything for an Iced Americano with 2 Splendas right now. That shit is like crack to me now. I can't go 2 days without it. I go nuts! I'm on my third piece of gum right now and have lockjaw.

Babble Babble Babble.....

shit. my gums are bleeding.

This Post is About Fernando

This kid is getting back his 8th grade physique and I am incredibly jealous. Okay, so I did lose 20 pounds since 8th grade but the results aren't as dramatic as this betch's results. Goodness. If you know his myspace, compare the jelly donut photo and this one. What the hell?!?!?!?!

That's it. I'm gonna have to go ano on this one. For some reason, I cannot accept the fact that boys lose weight faster than girls. Fuck that noise.

When There's Nothing Left to Burn (You Have To Set Yourself On Fire)

So I just came back from camping today with Wikit's family and their motley crew. I dug it. The kids were nice and the scenery was gorge. My health, on the other hand, disinigrated. I've been living off organic milk, vegetables, caffiene pills and red bulls for the past 3 weeks. Thursday night, I stuffed my face with pizza and coconut-tasting-something, Friday was french fries along with ultra-flammable liquid subtances, and Saturday was Kraft Mac and Cheese, and hella marshmallows. Saturday night I felt like dying and knocked out at 9 on the dot. This morning wasn't any better. I was holding back vomit and screams. I tried my best to pull an "under the rug" attitude but my face said "I need to go home and poop...now!"

When I got home, (I didn't poop), I downed about a gallon of water, mad carrots, a can of mountain dew (redbull replacement), drank TWO slimquicks (i can't find my pillz) and blickity-BLAM! Back to normal, bitches.

I even put on some makeup. Four days without doll-ing myself up took its took. I looked/felt like a derelict. (look it up) Yeah, I'm fucking shallow and materialistic. Shut the fuck up. Lemme enjoy lipgloss and air conditioning. betch.

I'll go fucking Regina George on your ass if I don't get my shameless, shallow fix of consumerist femininity.

RECIPE: Spinach-Artichoke-Ravioli Lasagna

And this one I'll try on Wednesday



1 (10-ounce) packages chopped frozen spinach
1/4 stick butter
4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 quart milk
Freshly grated nutmeg, to taste
Salt and pepper
3 cups ricotta cheese
1 tablespoon fresh lemon zest
4 cloves garlic, minced
4 packages large fresh ravioli cheese, wild mushroom or spinach stuffed varieties
2 (15-ounce) cans artichoke hearts in water, drained and thinly sliced
1 1/2 cups grated Parmigiano-Reggiano

Bring a large pot of water to a boil for pasta.

Place oven rack in middle of oven and preheat broiler or oven to 425 degrees F.

Defrost the spinach in the microwave for 10 minutes on high.

While spinach defrosts, heat a medium sauce pot over medium heat. Cut butter into small pieces and melt. Whisk in flour and cook a minute or 2 then whisk in milk. Bring sauce to a bubble, as it begins to thicken, drop heat to low and season it with nutmeg, salt and pepper, to your taste.

Combine ricotta cheese, a little salt and pepper, lemon zest and garlic in a bowl.

Cook pasta to al dente, 5 to 6 minutes in salted water.

Remove spinach from the microwave and wring it completely dry in a kitchen towel. Open the towel and separate the spinach with your fingers. Pile up the sliced artichokes on your cutting board.

Drain pasta well. Ladle just enough white sauce in the bottom of a lasagna dish to lightly coat it. Top with 1/3 of the pasta. Top the pasta with a layer of half of the ricotta cheese dotted with half of the spinach and artichokes. Thinly cover the veggies with more white sauce then top liberally with grated cheese. Repeat these layers then top your lasagna with the remaining 1/3 of the cooked ravioli, the last of the white sauce and some grated cheese.

Place under hot broiler or into a preheated 425 degree F oven until sauce browns and bubbles, 3 minutes

RECIPE: Chicken Georgia

I'm totally making this tomorrow.


4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
4 skinless boneless chicken breast halves
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
2 tablespoons minced shallots
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
4 ounces grated mozzarella cheese

Melt butter over medium heat. Add mushrooms and shallots and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cook 10 minutes. Add chicken and cook 10 minutes on each side, or until tender. Transfer chicken to platter and sprinkle with grated cheese. Top with mushroom mixture. Cook and let stand 5 minutes or until cheese melts.

down wit' the sickness, day 2

Day two of a fever that hasn't broken yet. I drove with this fever. So, everyone who was in the horrific traffic on route 46 today suffered my bitchy wrath. I even wore a hoodie to school. Yeah, it was 87 degrees today. Now, I'm home, munching on a cornucopia of food I brough home from Whole Foods. This is my food and I know no one else will steal it because no one in the house likes hummus, carrots, sour oranges, etc.

I'm also talking to my dad at this very moment. He's home, too. In case I haven't mentioned it, my daddy got his pinky toe amputated last week. Diabetes is a total party killer. Hopefully, this will push him to take care of himself. I wish I could say the same about my mom. One mont after those 3 kidney surgeries, bitch is back to red meats, chicken and cheeses. Ugh. just wait for surgery 15.

I was planning on going to see Portugal, the Man right now at Maxwells...but, I feel like shit. And for me to skip out on Portugal. the Man is major.

My Mind says Yes but my Body says "Aw.. hell nah!"

Oh what a surprise! I look like shit and I have a cold during the hottest days of the year!

I should have seen this coming. Little Ashley had a fever and few days ago, and of course, I was the caregiver. Now, I have the immune system of an AIDS patient (oooh that was sarcastic) so if I come within a foot of someone sniffling...I'm gonna get sick.

Tomorrow, after class, I'm driving my ass to the supermarket and loading up on anything green, anything menthol-y (aka my excuse of chocolate chip mint tofutti ice cream), and anything that can withstand being in my backpack for hours and hours.

That's right. I'm brownbaggin' from now on. Fuck fast food. That sludge probably contributed to my illness!!!

Xantrex 3 : Window to Creativity

Diet pills make me a genius. Their punch of caffiene and legal addictive stimulants wake up the creative part of my brain! Everything disposable in my room has turned into either a decoration and changed in some way so it can be re-used. Its great!

Last time I took one, I wrote a ridiculously awesome literary criticism for class.

Now, I wanna do so much that there's not enough hours of sunlight to do it in!

No Truer Words Have Been Spoken....

It's true...

so true...

I kinda wish that I could have been married by now.

CARROTS ARE AMAZING! / BROOTAL

AHHHH!!!!

Vany's version of Chicken Noodle Soup
2 cups of water
One cube of chicken boullion
2 carrots (one cut into half inch pieces, the other sliced paperthin with a peeler)
couple of cilantro leaves
onion + garlic powder for taste

Put all that in a mini-pot, boil it all for 5 minutes and BAM! 5 calories soup.

I only got to have a cup of it because my sister liked it and hounded the rest of my minni-batch. Give props to my creativity on this one. According to the nutritional facts, 2 ounces of thin spagetti is 210 calories. I used the thin slices of carrots to replace the noodles and dude, they're the same consistency and everything! and 0 calories! Sick shit, right?

I'ma start posting more of these. Everything I've been making up is based on a really REALLY low-budget and since I'm developing an OCD for calorie counting and restricting, its all usually less than 200 calories.

sidenote: As much as I love my friends, I'm pretty sure when we look at last night's events, we'll all laugh and tell our kids how brought br00+ta!i+y back to Jersey.

July 27th KOC show in Lyndhurst,NJ

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lol jonny and favio.

Summer 2007 changed my life

This summer has be absolutely amazing. There hasn't been a week in all of June and July where something interesting hasn't happened. There were some definite downs (and when I say down, I mean reeeally down) and up-up-ups! I know summer isn't over yet but I'm just thinking about all that's gone down so far and how happy I am to rediscover my friends.

During the school year, I disappeared into my books and jobs. I'm still in school (full-time) and I'm still juggling my time (which there isn't much of) but for the summer, I vowed to see my friends. I haven't seen some of them in months and that just wasn't right. I kept true to my vow and have had the most amazing time of my life with my friends.

I've gotten closer with Wikit and a MILLION times closer with Zach. I was lucky enough to hang out with John in the beginning of summer. I hold that hangout on a pedistal because he drives up from North Carolina to visit me. Amazing. All my friends are amazing. Wikit dropped her world (leaving work and making her DAD leave work) to come help me when I needed someone the most and Zach picks up the phone no matter what just so I can bullshit about something I'll get over in a few minutes.

I've also gotten a whole lot closer to my mom. A lot of shit went down with her health and it was my turn to step up to the plate and prove to my mom that I can handle life. I'm so happy she's okay now. Thank drugs and willpower. :-) And of course, stubborness. She's realized that I'm now a little lady and not a little girl anymore.

I've become independent. I spend the money I earn at my own job. I don't ask for anything from my parents because I know I can get what I want by my damn self. I've become more conscious of myself, healthwise and everything else-wise. I realize that I only have one body and althought the outside is a passing characteristic, the inside health is more important. I want to breathe in as much as my lungs can take, I want to ride my bike as fast as my legs can go, and I want to jump the highest I possibly can.


Summer 2007 showed me how to live a happy life. It showed me not to be afraid of negative consequences. Its showed me to open up and smile. In the words of Ricardo Mercader, "work hard and party hard...or just occationally." <3

This is the part of my life I'm doing to reminisce about when I'm 25, 30, 50, 80....

Nerves!

The image above pretty much shows my dilemma. Normally, I look like the top left photo. Regular glasses, ironic shirt and an obnoxiously colored bag. To the right of the that is my idea of "dressing up" which coincidentally also means "looking like a Pipette."

On Thursday, I'm shooting a virtual tour of my campus for the website. Since Berkeley has a surge in enrollment this year, the college wants to put hella stuff online to show off our school. I dig it and was mad souped when I got the phone call that they wanted me to the be "virtual tour guide" but I freaked the fuck out when Ms. Covino said "dress collegiate" and professional. So that means...NO PIPETTE OUTFIT!!!

I have to do a whole "Devil Wears Prada" transformation; thus the bottom photo. Luckily, today I received my paycheck so I have some money to buy some office clothes and accessories. Oh man oh man.


Another important factor is that the outfit MUST be travel-worthy. I have to take a 6:30AM bus and 7:20AM train and a 7:40 shuttle that morning, all while having my makeup and hair intact.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

OMG GiRLY GiRL SURVEY!

GiRLY GiRLY <3

STRAiGHT UP FACTS
Your Name:: Vany
Is it girly enough:: nah. I'm sure *~*Vanessa*~* is way more girly.
What you usually do for your birthday:: Usually, go out to eat somewhere special with the girls.
Age:: 19
Relationship status:: single
MAKEUP
Do you wear it:: YES!
If so, what do you wear:: Eyeliner, powder and gloss. Everyday.
What's your favorite brand:: normally, maybelline. but when i splurge, Chanel and Shiseido.
Would you go out of the house without it:: not without lipgloss. HELL to the NO.
How much are you willing to spend:: anything if its good quality.
Age you started wearing it:: 16ish. That's when I started caring.
I hope you don't wear heavy black eyeliner:: oh FUCK YOU, dude.
Do you honestly look better with makeup:: It just highlights things, thats all.
HAiR
What color are you:: naturally, reddish brunette. now, black.
Is it natural:: no. lol
If not, do you dye it yourself or get it done:: I do that shit on my own. One tube, all glory.
How's the length:: mid- shoulder
Have you ever donated your hair:: never grew it long enough.
Have you ever cut your hair yourself:: all the time
Do you straighten it/curl it:: both. i straighten my bangs and curl the rest.
Do you wear scrunchies (I hope not):: nope.
Do you put it in a ponytail a lot:: HELL no.
If you're lazy or don't have time, what do you do to it:: THEN, i ponytail.
If you could change your hair, what would you do:: extentions!
SKiN
Is it nice:: very.
Do you have/have you had acne:: nope.
What products do you use:: clinique
Have you ever had a professional facial:: im waiting for my brother to do it.
Do you have freckles:: nope.
If so, do you like them:: i want some on my nose.
Are you tan:: if im lucky.
Have you ever been in a tanning bed:: no...
Does skin cancer run in your family:: nope....
Do you have large pores:: nah, luckily. THAT runs in my family.
NAiLS
Are they long or short:: short and filed.
Have you ever gotten acrylics:: yup.
What about just plain manicures:: yup yup.
Do you enjoy pedicures:: not anymore. ewwww.
Or does the tickling make it really unenjoyable:: the "using the same tools you used on everyone else's crusty ass feet" does it for me.
Do you keep your fingernails clear or a color:: a color
What about your toenails:: red, just like my nails
Boys <3
Are you single/taken/crushing/bitter/etc. :: i'm content
Are you happy with that situation:: not happy but not emotionally wrecked
How many serious boyfriends have you had:: 2
How many boys have you kissed:: a handful
How many have you gone further with:: i'm a prude and believe anything beyond that is icky.
Do you still have your V-Card:: I have 16 cents left in it. lol.
Are you happy with that:: lmao.
Do you like talking on the phone with boys ALL the time:: oh hell yeah.
Are you boy crazy:: definitely.
Do you get giddy over celebrities:: only if its Jack White
Do you prefer older or younger boys:: olderrrrrrrrrrrr
What's the biggest age difference you've had in a relationship:: 6 months older.
Could you live without boys:: ........no
LiFE iN GENERAL
Do you like to party:: party yes. drink/drugs no.
Are you popular:: in a sense. people "know" me.
Do you go clubbing:: nope.
Drink/Smoke:: nope.
How do you like school:: mmhmm!
What do you wanna be when you : when i slash, i wanna be cool.
Have you ever cried your way out of a traffic ticket:: i cried my way out of everything.
Do you like Starbucks, or coffee places in general:: omgCaffeAmericanoooooooooooooooooooo*drool*
Even if you like other genres, do you still like cheesy girly music:: eh...
Do you drive a cute, girly car:: lol little Scion!
Do you pay for it yourself or does daddy pay for it:: shit, i pay for me!
How often do you go shopping:: never really.
How many best friends do you have:: enough to keep my going.
Are you a talker:: yesss

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Too Much Carz and Fast Foodz

I've been driving around doing a minimal amount of running / walking / moving for about a month now. I've also haven't been cooking. I pass out by 10 and my have absolutely no energy. I don't know how single moms do it! Anyway, I've felt sluggish. I have made no effort to bike or anything. Hell, I cleaned the car today and found that a little strenuous. I'm weak. Weeeeeeeeeak!

I just needed to jot this down to remind myself to wake up early and bike tomorrow morning. I gotta wake up before everyone else in the house in order to avoid being held home because of a duty.

This little ditty will pick me up at 6:00AM!

Octopus

Life has sure as hell been pretty eventful this past month. I haven't even had time to write in this thing. I finally have a 10 minute break from life to just veg out and doing something counterproductive...like write in this blog (which is quickly turning into a diary rather than a "web log")

My mom had a few foreign objects implanted in her kidneys and now needs yet another operation to take them out. Its been almost a month since she has left the house. I feel bad because she's going nuts in here. All she does is clean and complain.

My sister's foot has gotten a whole mess better. I mean, better than before. She can walk on it and often forgets that it was fractured less than 7 days ago. She remembers when she falls from the pain pang that takes over her foot when she slams her body weight on it.

School's okay. Nothing new.

I went to the beach with Bora, Arleen and Zach this past Sunday. It was great and completely necessary. Sitting on a pile of eroded rock and glass can sure make stresses fly away for a while....and then I cut my foot. Ironic, ain't it? Afterwards, Arleen went home and the rest of us headed for some Korean food that had magical healing powers.

After the noodle-fest, we spent hours and hours talking in the car at Riverwalk. It was the best conversation I've had in months. I won't mention what was discussed but it involved a common goal I plan on accomplishing this summer rather "forgetting about it." An intervention will take place. That's all I'm saying about that.

Even today, when talking with Zach and Myriam, the problem was mentioned and the goal was identical. We all have this problem eating away at us and personally, I'm sick / scared of it. I'm doing something about this.

I don't know why the Polyphonic Spree's cover of "Wig in a Box" feels appropriate right now. I think its the whole "evolution/revolution" theme of the song. I don't know...but I'll just put it here and refer back to it tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I'll have a "what the fuck?" kinda reaction to it.

I haven't straightened (or even passed a brush through) my hair in almost a month. Its starting to dread up. I'm gonna try to straighten it tomorrow but I'm scared it'll look like a wig.

....

.....

A WIG!!!!!!! That's why this song sounded appropriate! For some odd reason, people have been thinking I'm miserable because my hair is a mess. But hell, "I put on some makeup" and "suddenly I'm" normal happy Vany. Oh man, writing down internal dialogue helps a lot.

A Tired Post

This is what being an adult must feel like.
I wake up at 6.
I go to school.
I come home to make lunch for my hurt mama and broken-footed sister.
I go back to school.
I go grocery shopping.
I come home.
I make dinner.
I clean.
I do my homework.
I sleep.


Anyone wanna marry me?

Red Cups

i havent been home much lately thanks to these guys.

Amanda Palmer Post

aAmanda Palmer is not a mime. Halloween 2005, I was not a fucking mime! I was Amanda Palmer! Dresden Dolls. Someone IM-ed me earlier this week reminded me how not a lot of people understood me in Belleville High. I dressed funny and made cynical jokes all the time. Wack.

No Sleep Til Hackensack

My mom got hurt at work on Sunday night. By Monday morning, she had perks and oxy in her system and still felt pain. She drove to my school completely stoned so I can drive her to Hackensack. It made sense to her.

We spent 3pm-1:30am in the Emergency Room. Once they infected some painkillers in her, she was fine. We met a dude with kidney stones and cute kids. I hung out with some high school friends who just happened to be in the same ER as my mom and I. Carol and Maria Tapia in the same mo'fuckin ER. Crazy high school reunion, huh?

Turned out my mom strained her back muscles hardcore and has the kidney stone almost the size of an M & M mini. That's huge. She was finally given a room upstairs by 2AM. I stayed with her the whole time with only half a cup of plain hot oatmeal in my tummy. I was too worried to get my ass a sandwich. I didn't leave my Mamadukes for a sec.

Besides, no one wants/can to help nowadays. David yelled at her to walk to get her prescriptions even though she couldn't stand. Poor woman actually made it to the pharmacy and back. There was a whole debacle with the cars also that resulted in me driving David's car to Belleville and needing a ride back to Hackensack. Thank God for my twinny, Myriam and her father. Those two are lifesavers. Expect a huge token of appreciation, bbygrl. I love you.

Once I got back to Hackensack, I picked up my mom's abandoned car in the CVS parking lot and jetted back to the emergency room. She was sleeping by the time I got back. I did all this in less than an hour during rush hour. Yes, I'm that good. :-)

I called my dad to tell him what was up. I told him about this guy we met with kidney stones who looks like a cook (because of the white shirt and checkers pants.) It turned out it was my dad's co-worker at the Coach House! Crazy! He asked to use my dad's cell to call an ambulance. What a coincidence, right? So, it was two classmates and my dad's co-worker all in one tiny section of the ER. Ca-razy.


I left at around 2:30am so I can go home, take a nap and get a bunch of supplies for an overnight stay. Boy oh boy, what a Monday!

Happiness

I'm still floored.

Zach's Amazing Party

I just came back from what probably was the best way to start off a summer of quality parties. I'l start from the beginning in case anyone was to drunk to remember. :-)

The night starts off with me being stuck in stand-still traffic for an hour on Route 3. I jetted to Danni's and later, to the bus stop to pick up my Wikitona. From there, we headed to Starbucks to get our "drank" on and well, I've been craving a Cafe Americano for the past week. Dan called Tasha and thanks to my favorite Montclair-ian, we got our shitz for free. Derek was supposed to be workin' but betch wasn't there so I didn't get to see my favorite Sniffside whiteboy. But, someone was there that I had a little jumble with the night before so I 86'd it out of there faster than your mom. I jumped in my car with the girls and headed to Zach's. Well, to our surprise, Wonsahm and Zach were walkin on River so I picked 'em up and turned around to get supplies at PathMark. I called my DaddyDukes and headed to his house for a quick sec, because I missed my daddy and wanted to see him for pre-Papi's day.

So, this is where the fun begins. I drive back towards Zach's, right? We meet him in the garage and headed up to where I thought was his apartment. When we walked it, WHAM!...empty apartment. There was everyone from North Bergen. Well, not everyone but everyone that mattered in high school. (lol.)

I'm not gonna say EVERYTHING that went on after we walked in except:

• Bora has the more WONDERFUL photographs in her camera.


• I smell like Zach's spit, sweat and cologne.


• Screwdriver's save lives.


• I SUCK at flipcup. (virgin orange juice fo' lyfe)


• Designated Vany saves lives.


• Drunk Italian girls can pry open anything.


• Drunk Chileans are hot.


• Rick "wasn't there."


• Two newly renovated and empty apartments in the Edgewater are completely fucked up thanks to us.


• What the fuck is a Bahama Mama?


• Capoeira is hot.


• Flexible dudes are hot.


• Ana rules.


• When I doubt, put it in a big white bag and throw it somewhere totally suspicious.


• Repeat, Rick "was NOT there."

Now I'm home with a big goofy smile on my face without a drop of anything in my system. But I did drink enough orange juice to provide me with enough Vitamin C to prevent the cold for the next 3 years.

I can't wait til Bora uploads those "floored" pictures.

Thank for you the invite, Zachy. Tayto and Burrito 4 Ever.<3

Lazer Glare!

I knew there was a reason I was being a bloated, pimply, snippity little bitch all week. Hormones! So, apologies to all who have stood in my warpath. Its was blood for blood. (pun intended).

I've been watching way too much E! and Food Network. I've been on an awesome culinary stint while pretty much knowing what Nicole Richie is wearing day to day. All this while I'm supposed to be revising my paper on Cheating and Eating Disorders.

Anyone up for some Pollo a la Brasa con Pico De Gallo, Arroz con Gandules, fresh Sangria and entertainment is welcome to invite me over to their house and gimme $10 to prepare it for you. :-)

GTA: Garret Mountain

Someone's car got jacked from the campus parking lot this morning. Now, who in their right mind would leave their keys in the ignition? I don't care if all you have to do I a quick run to drop a portolio in a mailbox, leaving your keys is a stupid idea.

I guess people forget that we're in Paterson when you're in my campus. All the trees and galloping deer make you forget that the hoods a few blocks away would like your sweet wheels. I've seen people leave their windows wide open when it's mad hot out and that's dumb enough....but the keys?! Brotha man, sorry to say but...you totally asked for it.

The White Stripes USB drive

it only holds 512 but omg i want one. Either one, too! Meg or Jack. 60 bucks for a USB what won't even hold my Oral Communication presentations?!......i'm in.

Few Days Later, You're Still a Ho

So this girl pretty much has the most amazing body I've ever seen. She's got hips, boobs, and a waistline. Ugh. Love.

Why do people have such a beef with Diet ____ drinks? Diet Dr. Pepper tastes the same as regular. Diet Coke doesn't make me tear up from all the bubbles going up to my eyes. So, what's the dealio? Why does my school only carry regular Monster and not Sugar-Free Monster? Why am i bitching about this? I dunno!

i have black hair dye on right now. Its kinda tingly and minty. If you HAVE to use over-the-counter hair dye, use 100% Color by Garnier. This shit lasts through anything, including washing your hair with dish detergent. (only way to remove Spiker, pretty much.)

I'm saving up for hair tracks to get back my long locks. Fer real, short, bright and bubbly was not my thing. The blonde sucked and the shortness is really hard to work with and god only knows how much I hate wearing my hair up. (ponytails = lazy)

I have yet to finish my financial aid.



Okay, so I made this post just to post that picture of the girl. She's gorge.

Whoa, It Was Never My Intention to Brag

this song is such a nasty bitch slap, its not even funny.
the italics are the parts that are pretty much QUEMADA! (spanish word for BURN!)
or as I say "OWNED!"
whatever. Its about time I posted this song anyway.
Hayley Williams FTW.





I'm in the business of misery
Let's take it from the top
She's got a body like an hourglass that's tickin' like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out...
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth

I waited eight long months
She finally set him free
I told him I can't lie he was the only one for me
Two weeks and we had caught on fire
She's got it out for me
But I wear the biggest smile

Whoa... I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But, God, does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him right now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause, God, it just feels so...
It just feels so good

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right
Well I refuse I ReFuSe I REFUSE!!!

Whoa... I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But, God, does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him right now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause, God, it just feels so...
It just feels so good

It just feels sooooooooooooooo
it just feels so good...

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving.........

Whoa, I never meant to brag, but I got him where I want him now...

Whoa... I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But, God, does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him right now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause, God, it just feels so...
It just feels so good

Salga Con Patines!

Man, I love America. You can talk your way out of anything. I managed to get my tuition paid for the rest of the year. Mm-hmm. So my ass is staying in New Jersey for the time being. As of lately, I wouldn't mind moving to California. I mean...with the guarentee of coming back eventually. Haha. San Fernando Valley is great ... in small doses.

San Fernando is spanish. But I mean fucking Mexicano spanish. There's barely and Cubanos, Boriquas y Dominicanos around there. Its mostly real Mexicano. Now, this could be a huge culture shock for me since...I only know one mexican, Maribel. And Maribel is far from the California Chicano. She's Jersey. I dunno how to explain it. I think I'd be funny to see cholas and bros walking around. I'd be the palest girl in my university, I can say that. Long Beach University and East LA College is full of dark skinned kids. How do I know? My cousin sent me a video of his Associates grad. and dude...I'm an albino compared to my cousin.

Now, I'm listening to nothing but Elvis Crespo and cleaning my room. Tomorrow I'm going to the free Startling Line show / skate demo at Willowbrook with the Danwich. Its about fucking time I see her. Jinkies!

Actually, a hell of a lot of people have been coming out of the woodwork lately. Probably because its so nice out. People tend to be more "HAY!!!! LET'S CHILL!!!" when the thermometer reads above 60.

Should I Stay? or Go-Go?

The next two weeks are going to determine whether I WANT to stay in Jersey or not. My financial aid is completely fucked up and now I can't really afford to keep going to school...especially if I end up here all by myself.

I'm looking into East LA College and Long Beach University. Maybe it won't be so bad. I could get my Bachelors over there and eventually, come back. Pretty much everyone who leaves Jersey comes back, you know.

I was in the city all day yesterday. Its undeniable that I am an East Coast Kid to the core. My aunt Loly, straight outta Cali, was bugging out at how fast paced the east coast is. She kept asking me, "What do you do to relax?" Me? I sleep. I walk around. I ride a bike. I watch a movie. I stroll down the piers in Hoboken and Edgewater. But she still thinks its stressful because they all happen in the city. She thinks California life could help me out. We talked and talked and I eventually saw her point. I mean, I love my fast paced, "all is money and power" life, but I'd like to check out what its like to go to school in a chill environment. You never know.

Word to the Wise: Do NOT fuck up your credit. Unfortunately, credit = life. I can't get any loans because I don't have a credit history and my mom's is kinda shitty.

The Anti-Starvation Celebration
This is like...a whole different subject but I don't feel like making two posts about it. So, I pretty much starved myself to look nice for the trip to the beach that never happened. Lost 5 pounds but I got sick. How fucking stupid was I? Wowee. Starving. Whatever. I started eating again and for some reason, the 5 pounds haven't been back. I've just been serving myself very little portions but making sure I eat when I'm hungry so I don't pig the fuck out when I get home. mm-hmm! I'm making sure that I take stuff to munch on from home rather than buying the fucking expensive food on campus.

I have a feeling I'm gonna get a lot of shit for thinking that moving to California might be a good idea.

Okay the Posi-Hormone Just kicked In

DORMING! I am seriously considering taking out a GIGANTIC loan and dorming at Berkeley. Why not? I could work at the Berkeley daycare center (aka perfect because I love the childrenz) and I have the good ol' blogger for chump change. I can definitely do this!

Circumstances of the Suck

So, here are my options:

1. live with Wikit and eventually drop out
2. drop out and start saving up to live on my own
3. take out a loan and rot at Berkeley College
4. change my Bachelors to an Associates and get my Bach. in California
5. Drop Berkeley now and start over in California

The bills are starting to catch up. The television service was cut today. It was okay. I don't watch much TV anyways.

Tomorrow, I'm heading to student services and begging for a full-time weekend job. Man...and I just took 17 credits for the summer. Fuck.

Nowadays Everybody Wanna Talk...

like they got something to say but nothing comes out when they move their lips. Just a bunch of gibberish.



young Ricky Martin kinda reminds me of Shelley Levi a little bit.
no?

Gorgeous at Disney Couture Show

Im bbys but I think Nicole Richie is fucking GORGEOUS here!!!
omg.

Dr. Dog cover of "Heart It Races"

Thanks, Stereogum for this ( Boom da da da da da da Boom da da! Da da!) A little gem that will surely be part of my Summer 2007 soundtrack. I love it! I already uploaded it up to my MP3 player! In a few, I'ma put on some socks (omg vany wearing SOCKS?!) and sneaks and go riding around Belleville. :-)

Its Friday and that only means one thing. Its the weekend and I cannot WAIT for a Seaside Adventure part two...hopefully.

I suggest you listen to the cover though. Its great. Dr. Dog FTW

4:07AM

I'm 4 pages into the Law paper...
and on my last question in Accounting.

Whats the point in sleeping? I'd have to wake up in a 45 minutes anyway.
:-(

No Sleep Til' Paterson.

Reminder to Self: Don't EVER prostrastinate this much EVER AGAIN!

The Hood Internet and Caffiene

I don't think that's how you spell caffiene. I can't spell check because my Microsoft Word trial expired almost a full month ago. I hate writing papers on Wordpad. It mades the paper so compressed so by the time I get to transfer it to a Word file, the paper is too long. Ugh. So I'm being super skimpy with my material for my Law paper.

I'm taking a break because this is taking up a lot of time to research.

I've been sitting "Indian Style" for the passed 12 hours. I've been taking the occational walk to the kitchen to get some water but it's 12:04AM and if my mom hears me stirring about the house, she'll gimme a good slap on the shoulder and tell me "ya, duermate!" then later in the day, she'll send me a text message during class saying how she had bags under her eyes because once I woker her up, she couldnt go back to sleep. So instead of walking, I'm jumping on my bed. :-)

There's papers everywhere. Financial aid, resumes, homework printouts, bills, flyers, receipts, notebooks...yikes. I should take a picture of this. But I'll refrain. Anyway, they're not my batteries. They're Wikit's . I d-blocked them by accident.

I had three cups of coffee. 2 of them were black with no sugar or milk. I'm starting to like how that tastes. But yeah, all this strong colombian bean juice is keeping me up and alert. My mind is going a mile a minute so I can't concentrate on my paper....not unless I have music on in the background....

which leads me to The Hood Internet. Listen to this website and be amazing. fucking AMAZED! Okay, maybe not amazed but definitely amused. Most definitely amused. (Sup, Rainman.)



Also, I can't stop looking at Thinspiration websites.

I think is night I'll call "No Sleep Til' Paterson"

Tummy full of Hate

My stomach hates me right now. Yesterday was wonderful but I ended up eating shit all day. A Burger King cheeseburger, stolen Nathan's fries, and White Castle. All night I was tossing and turning because my stomach was pretty much getting beaten like a housewife. Pangs here and there. Then this morning, I tried having breakfast but a few bites and up it came. BLECH!

I don't wanna eat until all this junk gets outta my system. Coffee and water until I'm back to normal. I don't wanna stay up tossing and turning.

Maybe it was all that salt water I snorted thanks for Wikit holding me down in the water. (betch.)

My tummy hurts. :-(

Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too! (two, too!)

Freshman Year of High School

This is what a Saturday Night conversation looks like...

stfu bro k: yo
stfu bro k signed off at 8:54:33 PM.
stfu bro k is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
stfu bro k signed on at 8:55:20 PM.
stfu bro k: no comas mierda and listen to grace gale brah
MakeoutInSpanish: what the hell? i thought you signed off
stfu bro k: listen to tijuana vs albuquerque
stfu bro k signed off at 8:56:05 PM.
stfu bro k is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
stfu bro k signed on at 8:58:08 PM.
stfu bro k: i keep getting kicked off
stfu bro k signed off at 8:58:54 PM.
stfu bro k is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.


I'm torturing myself but going through my photobucket and looking at how I used to have a life when I lived in Hudson County.

First in Line to Father my Babies...

test tubes

A Week of Awesome

Here's something I consider to be incredibly hot. Jack White and spanish subtitles. <3 And Meg White went a little lighter on the hair hue, too! June 19th can't come fast enough. I need Icky Thump in my MP3 player and computer soon.

Yesterday, it became official. I am now a Berkeley Blogger!!! Haha. That's right, kid. I got the job. Wednesday, my blogger is gonna be linked from the official Berkeley College website. Me! Getting linked from a .edu!

Today, I have an interview for the office job by Clara Maass Hospital. Peep peep. So I have to go out and take off my nosering (no worries, I'm putting a spacer in), and I have to go out and get business clothes. This should make for an interesting look. Me...in businesswear...yikes!

I had a baby. His name is Skipper Fool.

This weekend is gonna fuckin rule. Today I have all to leave my room perfect for the Open House. Tomorrow, party at Rick's! Last time, it was like Grandma's Boy part 2. Lol. After that, Sunday Chinatown tripping with Wikit!

I dropped 5 pounds this week. :-)

I went to see my Daddy and my Grandpa earlier this week. My grandpa's a pretty chill guy and crazy good sayings like "Love is like the lottery. You never know when you'll get a prize." Lucky for him to say, he's won the lottery TWICE! My dad got me more addicted to sushi than ever. We planned to go to the zoo in two weeks. :-)

Raf called me a few nights ago and picked me up from my whole lonely mood. Man...friends rule. Everyone else tells me to go out and fuck anything with a penis, but this boy tells me to be patient and stay who I am because I'm perfect the way I am. Fuckin A, homeboy. Besides, I can't be a whorebag. I'm Vany! John told me this, too. Stay the way I am. :-) Man, hearing that can really make a person smile hard. I love my boys.

Marcos Gorra traumatized me a little more. I promised him a cake, and he promised me a boinking.

So yeah! That was my week. :-)

I Have to Write This Down Before I Forget

Hello, world. I had the weirdest dream in the world last night and I need to write it down because it was funny and the soundtrack was amazing.

So, for some reason, this happened inside Emerson High School in Union City. Don't ask me why. There was a concert in the gymnasium and everyone was going. and I mean everyone. I had no idea who was playing but either way I ended up driving over to check it out. I met up with Carol (Cliffside kitty kat) and Cody (asian looking italian kid from Traces of Red). We walked in and someone gave me a flyer. I was like YES! I read and I was amped because it was Albert Hammond Jr. , Feist and super special guest, Sonic Youth.

I know. Weird.

I started walking to the cafe so I can get a drink when I bump into Chris (lucin). He was all skinny and kinda sleepy looking. We ended up going together to get a drink but the cafe was the green room. I freaked and decided to just sit down. I noticed a really tall guy sitting next to me and I just said "Damn, your legs are long." without looking. I just told Thuston Moore he was tall. I elbowed Chris to tell him but he fell asleep. I went to the vending machine and there was Emily Haines and Leslie Feist giving me a free snapple can because the vending machine fucked up!

At the end of the night, (I don't remember the concert), I was in the car, half asleep, and Julian Casablancas was driving me home. I was on route 3 by East Rutherford by the time I woke up.

I think its because this is the last picture I looked at before I fell asleep.


nutty nutty nutty!

Berkeley Blogger??? Maybe

http://berkeleycollegeblog.blogspot.com/

You can't say I didn't try!

I haven't been to Law class in two weeks. Last week, I was sick. This week, my professor's father dies. Totally sucks for him. This is where optimism could make me seem like a heartless bitch, but whatever, I'll say it. I have an extra week to finish my paper.....wow that felt horrible.

Thanks Wikit!

Angry fist shake!!!

Im An Asshole. Im Gonna Try Again.

Well, they need another blogger at Berkeley. Hmm....

Cross yo' Fingazzz.

Here's the link to the Berkeley Blog. I can totally do that!

LOLZ! I'm lazy!

haha. no wonder I didnt get pick for the "Berkeley Blogger"
and how is it that I've never seen ANY of these people in my entire LIFE!
(pssst. i betcha they're actors!)
Just joshin' but no joke, I have never seen ANY of these people on campus. And trust me, my campus is NOT that big.

This Man Has Taken Up My Day

Thats perfection human form. Amazing at guitar. Arms of a fuckin Greek statue. Eyes to die for. Goodness....Jack White...John Gillis....
I dated my last boyfriend thanks in huge part to certain resemblences....the arms, the voice and the stage presence. And yeah, he was an absolute dream but...he knows I mostly did it for the Jack White-ness. haha.

Webcam with el Platano, John

There's no better way to get out of a loneliness slump than webcamming with a Marine who's a million times lonelier/horny-er.

this is my BFFL, Marine boy John.

In two weeks, he's gunning it over to Jersey to talk Wikit and I to the shore the weekend after Memorial Day. Needless to say, I'm excited. Last time I saw this mofo was Christmas Eve. It was an odd and eventful day. Who cares. This time, we're all going to the beach!

Definitions I've Had To Look Up Lately...

spank bank: 1. A memorable collection of mental images that one wishes to retain for master debational purposes.2. Porn collection
ie. "I added you to my spank bank"

hirsute: pronounced "hur-suit" one hairy mofo.
ie. "Look at her back! Bitch got a hirsute!"

librarium: When the library is used as an intense non-stop studying place for midterms and finals in college.
ie. "Seriously, I gotta go the librarium all weekend!"

June 29th

RETURN TO PRIDE!!!!

Summer in the City

Cut the Emo Shit Out...It's SUMMER

What the fuck am I bitching about? Jeez, last night felt like the end of the world because I didn't have anyone to makeout with. Haha. Whatever. Sure, I miss having a boyfriend, but that shouldn't bring me down.

I've been talking to my friends and we're all gearing up for Memorial Day Weekend. I'm broke as fuck but Coney Island and Rockaway Beach aren't that expensive. Seaside and Wildwood are killers. Maybe we'll head to Six Flags or something. I dunno. Alls I knows is that its gonna be great. Friends, sand in my vag and sweet smelling sunscreen.

I love this picture of Zach. :-)

burp

mmm....tostones

Long Walks for Deep Thinking

this season finale has brought me down enough for me to plan an entire day of walking and thinking and STARVING and re-self-evalutation

It wasn't just the show.

My doctor chuckled at how clean I am. In my body, there is none of the following: nicotine, cocaine, weed, crack, semen, alcohol and drugs that weren't prescribed to me. "A clean college kid?!" Ugh.

Walk walk walk to five below...so I can play with the 40-year old virgin soundbite keychains and buy thread at Michaels so I can rip, cut, destroy and rebuild my shirts. They're all tight uptop and loose as fuck on the bottom.

sometimes, i really hate my body.

Music and Fun in the Sun at Sirenfest

The lineup was just posted!

NEW YORK DOLLS
WE ARE SCIENTISTS
MATT AND KIM
THE BLACK LIPS
DR. DOG
NOISETTES
LAVENDER DIAMOND
THE DETROIT COBRAS
ELVIS PERKINS
THE TWILIGHT SAD


I'm so excited for this, its not even funny.

Last year was the best time of the summer. I have great friends with me, the weather was wonderful, the beers were pretty cheap, I got my nosering that day and it was the day I fell in love....with Stars! (yeah, fool!)

This is should be even better! <3

DETHKLOK

this show has official taken over my day.

The Los Angeles MTA

If Leslie Feist is a regulat performer in the MTAs, I wouldn't mind moving back. I could imagine. Haha. The bus from Van Nuys to Montebello...and I get to see her perform "My Moon My Man" instead of the reality....listening to an old lady yell at the ghost of her dead husband.


Yeah,
my house is back on the market and the chances of me going back to Cali are higher than ever.

And honestly, it ain't lookin' too bad.

Going back to the Motherland. Chonga country! And if you don't know what a "chonga" is, look it up foo'

I swear to you, my cousin Ana, looks exactly like this. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if this was her. She hated me therefore, I'm reciprocating the hateration with this..."Haayyy baby! Te extrano! Muah!"

Be my boyfriend?

...I vowed to never date another one of these again.
but my God...I...can't...resist!

When the Goin' Gets Tough...

The tough take pictures of their new haircut just so her best friends can see that she, in fact, cut it short and even added blonde! Ugh, you can see my eye infection.

btw, this mad me smile.

:-) peep peep 4th grade

BTW#2,

vote TomZenns from I Love New York 2. He's a fellow GlamourKills kid.

http://ilovenewyork2.com/people/tomzenns

Now, I Really CAN'T Cry

My throat infection has led to congestion.
My congestion has led to an EYE INFECTION!
Now, my ear hurts a bit so I bet it's gonna lead to an ear infection.
I hate life right now.
And the US Postal Service for now getting me my insurance card on time.
I need it to go to the doctor.

This is my 3 missed class in accounting.
I might fail now.
Maybe I should go and be like "ENGLESE, I CAN'T SEEEE!!!!!"